The Other “F” Word – Feedback
How to Use Feedback as a Valuable Tool
In our work with managers and supervisors, one of the areas where they express the most discomfort is in regards to giving feedback. We have heard the following reasons (excuses) for avoiding the process: “I tried it before and it didn’t work,” “I kept hoping that the problem would go away,” “I thought somebody else would take care of it,” and “I didn’t want to upset the individual.”
Feedback can be a powerful tool to build relationships and share useful information as to how we perceive others. However, as with any tool, it can be misused as a weapon. Instead of being used to help people make choices and build new behaviors, it can be used to tear people down. In this special two-part series on feedback, we’ll provide you with the information and steps on how to use this valuable tool. In this entry, we’ll discuss how you can give feedback responsibly and effectively. In tomorrow’s entry, we’ll look at the challenges involved in receiving feedback in a non-defensive and accepting manner.
While many of us can relate to being afraid of hearing feedback, what we often forget is that the person giving the feedback is uneasy too. Giving feedback is a skill, generally one that we haven’t been taught. It’s no wonder that people are afraid to hear what we have to say. What often comes out are accusations, blame and judgments.
The following are guidelines to assist you in giving effective feedback:
Provide feedback in a timely manner.
When you give feedback that is timely, you give the receiver a chance to change their behavior or make a decision that changes the outcome of their actions. Also, if you continually hold onto feedback, you are apt to reach a breaking point. Imagine what it would feel like to the receiver as you dump months or years worth of feedback on them that you have been stockpiling. More than likely the receiver will become overwhelmed and defensive, neither of which will resolve the situation.
Use “I” statements.
The purpose of using an “I” statement is to take ownership of the message. This approach allows the receiver to hear your concerns without becoming defensive. Don’t say, “Everyone is angry,” say, “I get angry,” instead.
Describe the behavior and the impact it has on you and/or the department.
State honestly how the behavior makes you feel. For example, you could say, “I feel angry when you arrive late to our meetings” Focus on specific examples as they relate to the action such as, “When you are late, it causes a delay in the meeting and we don’t end on time.” Don’t imply that you know why the receiver is behaving that way by saying something like, “You’re trying to make me angry.” Try to prepare what you will say in advance. Remember, the more timely the feedback is, the better. However, if the issue is large or emotions are running high, arrange another time to discuss and resolve the problem.
Describe the benefit of changing the behavior.
Give examples of what the benefits are if the receiver changes their behavior. “If you arrive on time to our meetings, I won’t have to rush through them to make up for lost time.”
Describe the consequences of the continued behavior.
Be direct and concrete when describing the consequences. Be prepared to follow through. “If you continue to be late to the meetings, I will give you a written performance warning.”
Check for understanding.
Confirm that the receiver understands what you are saying. “Do you understand what I mean when I say…” or “What will happen if you choose to come in late again?”
Seek to arrive at a mutually agreeable solution.
Ask questions that will help to initiate a problem solving environment. Do not ask rhetorical questions or questions that are really statements such as, “You must think I’m really dumb, don’t you?” The goal is to come up with a mutually agreeable solution and/or to create a behavioral change. There are times when there is only one solution to a problem (i.e. arriving on time to work) but you can use this time to brainstorm ways to achieve the solution (get up half-hour earlier, prepare your lunch the night before, etc.).
Be quiet and listen.
You can experience a significant improvement in your ability to provide feedback by just taking the time to listen to what the receiver has to say. You may learn something that helps create a better solution or outcome.
Ask for commitment.
Once a solution or change has been decided upon, reconfirm the receivers’ commitment.
Giving feedback is risky for both the sender and the receiver and requires commitment. When you decide to give feedback in a responsible, effective manner, you are committing the time and energy needed to resolve the issue. Feedback should not be done in “drive-by” fashion. It is a reciprocal process that requires the dedication of both parties.
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Filed Under: Leadership, Peter's Blog on January 21st, 2010
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