You Made a Mistake. Now What?
Put Your Ego Aside
We work with many managers and supervisors who would not have problems–or could have minimized their problems–if they had said, “I am sorry” or “I need your help.” This sounds easy enough. But if it is so easy, why do some people in leadership find it so hard to use these two simple skills that our mothers taught us at a very early age?
Often when managers refuse to say, “I am sorry” or “I need your help,” it’s because the managers or supervisors view these actions as a sign of weakness or lack of confidence in their decisions. In one particular case, a manager was willing to lose his job rather than to admit he was in the wrong and say he was sorry. This manager repeatedly stated he could not say he was sorry because he felt he had done nothing wrong. It was the principle of the matter! The manager was fired, but he was able to leave the company singing, “I did it my way.” His ego got him into trouble. It was his pride that kept him there.
It is always important to remember that these two actions, saying, “I am sorry” or, “I need your help,” are skills that require both high self-esteem and confidence. People who lack confidence and self-esteem, either personally or professionally, have difficulty exhibiting these two skills.
As we work with true leaders, we observe that they do things differently. The actions of great leaders are different from those described so far. The following five skills are used by great leaders to build stronger relationships with others, both personally and professionally.
Say, “I am sorry.” Great leaders understand the relationship-building power and meaning behind these words. To be able to say, “I am sorry I put you in an awkward position with Customer Jones by missing the deadline. I did not mean for that to happen,” takes courage and confidence. If you do say, “I am sorry,” you will find that the majority of people find it easier to forgive you, to be supportive of you, and to move on with the business at hand.
Admit when you are wrong. People who lack self-esteem and confidence will defend their mistakes to their death. Great leaders make the process easy by simply stating, “I apologize, I was wrong.” If you do not or cannot admit you are wrong, some people will go out of their way to prove why you are wrong and then broadcast it though the entire organization. If you have the courage and confidence to admit you are wrong, most people will go out of their way to help you make things right.
Forgive others for past problems. Recently, two managers at a retreat got into an argument. When we clarified the root of the problem, it turned out that one manager was holding a grudge from seven years ago. It sounded so ridiculous that everyone in the room started laughing. Yes, some people do hang onto grievances against other people for much too long. Great leaders do not. If people are willing to apologize, great leaders are willing to forgive and then move on.
Ask for help. Whether you are simply overwhelmed or you could definitely benefit from someone’s expertise, asking for help is a great relationship-building skill. Most people have a need to be valued by others. To not ask for help, especially when others know you need it, creates a situation where others sit on the sidelines waiting for you to fail. Have the courage and confidence to ask for help.
Give credit and recognition where it is due. Great leaders with high self-esteem and confidence find it easy to pass along credit and recognition to worthy individuals. Your staff deserves to be acknowledged and affirmed at the appropriate times. If you use this skill, you will personally reap the benefits in increased morale, motivation, productivity, and respect. Your leadership skills will become obvious to others.
These acts of strength and confidence may or may not be for you. As we said at the beginning of the article, some managers do not have the ability to admit they are wrong or to ask for assistance. Remember, leadership is a relationship. Leaders have people who willingly follow them regardless of their official title. Titles like manager or supervisor are simply positions in an organization. Titles do not automatically build relationships. But, people in positions who wish to also be great leaders will use these skills. Why? Because they know two things: first, it is the right thing to do, and second, these skills work at building great relationships.
You may also like:
Filed Under: Leadership, Peter's Blog on March 3rd, 2010
Leave a Reply