Why Nice Leaders Fail

Several of the organizations and departments that we work with have leaders that we would describe as “nice” people. They are the type of people you would like to have over for dinner or have as personal friends. They would do anything to help you or support you in your efforts. When we describe this type of leader, there’s a tendency to think that the organizations these individuals lead would have employees with very high morale. After all, everyone wants to work for a “nice” manager. So then, why do nice leaders fail?

Well, it might surprise you to know that more often than not these organizations have evidence of significant people problems and below average morale. We have found that when it comes to leadership, there is a significant difference between being “nice” and well liked and doing what’s “right.” When leaders are nice, but do not do what is right and in the best interest of the organization and its employees, the leaders lose the respect of their staff, create people problems, and eventually morale plummets.

We have identified four specific problems that tend to appear when leaders place a higher value on being nice and liked than building respect by consistently doing what is right.

• Failure to deal with problem employees. Leaders who want to be seen as nice tend to ignore employee problems. These leaders prefer to manage by what we have coined “hope-and-hint.” They hope problem employees will improve without any intervention and when they do not, they drop a hint. Instead of coaching, counseling, and terminating employees who do not improve, some leaders ignore the problems or transfer the problem employees to another department. Such a move further undermines morale. What do these leaders get for being nice? They lose their employees’ respect. Employees know that their managers are shirking responsibility by not dealing with the problem situations. In fact, just as children sometimes do, the problem employees also lose respect because they know the leaders do not have the guts or courage to deal with the situation.

• Failure to set and maintain high standards of performance. Many times nice leaders are hesitant to set and maintain high standards of performance. These leaders lower their standards when employees complain about their high expectations. After all, nice managers who have a high desire to be liked listen to their employees and make adjustments accordingly. What is ironic is that it is impossible to maintain high morale in a department or organization without having consistent standards and expectations.

• Failure to act quickly. Many times nice managers prefer to wait because they hope the situation will improve. When there are problems in the department or organization, they tend to get worse, not better, unless you take prompt action. One department we worked with was getting a lot of customer complaints. The manager knew problems existed but insisted that he was too busy to deal with the problems. The problems lingered and morale suffered. The employees blamed management and management blamed employees. Meanwhile, customers found other places to do business.

Whenever there is a problem, swift action is required. Do not allow employee or operational problems to linger. The sooner you eliminate problems, the more respect you will earn as the leader.

• Equal distribution of rewards. We currently work with several organizations who have phenomenal reward and bonus systems. These organizations have consistently provided employees with above average raises and provided bonuses to every employee on a regular basis. How can an organization that provides bonuses once a month or once a year ever have low morale? Morale suffers when there is no differentiation in the reward a top-performing team or employee receives versus the reward a low-performing team or employee receives. When rewards are not based upon performance, top performers’ morale suffers because they feel the reward system is not fair. Low performers’ morale suffers because they do not see how their individual or team contributions impact the results.

So, if you do place a higher value on being respected than you do on being nice and well liked, what actions do well respected leaders take? After completing Leadership Development Assessments on over 400 leaders, here is what we have learned:

Tell the Truth

Nice leaders tend to present communication in the way they think people will not have their feathers ruffled. They speak in general terms or hedge their words. The reality is that people do not respect leaders who do not honestly communicate. Be honest. Tell it like it is. If a team member presents an idea that is not in alignment with the vision and goals of your department, tell them the truth versus saying something like, “That is a great idea. Maybe we can explore that in the future.”

Go with your Gut

When you think about doing the right thing, almost always your gut will lead you to the right decision. Your head will argue with your gut and encourage you to take an easier way out. If you know in your gut that you should address two team members who do not work well as a team, your head will try to convince you that maybe it will be better next week if you don’t say anything to either of them. Almost always, in these head/heart/gut arguments, the gut is usually right.

Hold People Accountable

When a vendor, direct report or cross-functional team member is not doing the job we need them to do, it is important you shoot straight and communicate the exact expectations that are desired, along with gaining the counterpart’s commitment that they see the problem and are taking the actions to correct the outcome.

Lean into Conflict

Very seldom does conflict in an organization or on a team go away on its own. It may go dormant because one of the counterparts decides they no longer want to bring up or discuss the topic, but it seldom goes away. As a leader, you will gain tremendous respect when everyone knows you are really comfortable leaning into, rather than avoiding conflict, and playing an active role in getting it resolved.

Make the Right Decision

Most times, there is a decision that is the right thing to do. Dealing with conflict is the right thing to do. Holding people accountable is the right thing to do. Ensuring that team members treat each other with dignity and respect is the right thing to do. Clarifying strategic direction and being able to articulate how we will go about accomplishing our goals is the right thing to do. Shooting straight and telling the truth is the right thing to do. On all of these examples, the converse will possibly lead to people describing you as “nice” but will not lead to respect for you as a leader.

Being nice and well liked may be effective in social settings where only brief and superficial interactions are required. However, when leading others, it is most important to be respected. You gain respect by doing what’s right. Doing what’s right means being fair, honest, ethical, and making hard decisions. Sometimes doing what’s right will not be labeled “nice.” But, doing what’s right will positively effect long-term personal, interpersonal, and organizational growth.