Stupid Behaviors #10 & #11: “Tell Me Only What I Want to Hear” and “I Don’t Trust You”
This is the final blog entry in our series “11 Stupid Things That Managers Do to Mess Up Workplace Excellence.” So far we have gone over the first nine Stupid Behaviors of Managers:
- Inability to Control Emotions
- Impulsive Decisions
- Blaming Others
- It’s All About Me
- If You Think Today is Bad, Just Wait!
- Failure to Communicate
- Talk First, Listen Later
- I Want to Be Your Friend
- Poor Judgment
The last two Stupid Behaviors are Tell Me Only What I Want to Hear, and I Don’t Trust You:
Stupid Behavior #10: Tell Me Only What I Want to Hear
Defensive managers surround themselves with “yes” men and women. They don’t want to hear things that don’t support what they already know. Their controlling behaviors, like outbursts of anger, the silent treatment or exclusion of the team member that delivers a message they don’t want to hear, limit people’s willingness to share information. People working in this environment are quick learners. Not wanting to be the recipient of the manager’s wrath, they simply quit telling the manager anything. These managers’ actions make it clear that they don’t want to know reality and aren’t open to having their thoughts confused with any new or differing viewpoint.
For instance, in the interview phase of an executive coaching project, we were getting a consistent theme from employees. In a variety of different ways, employees were telling us that their boss was rude. One bold employee even said, “We’ve tried talking to him about this. He doesn’t want to know. It seems like if enough people tell you that you have a tail, you ought to turn around and take a look!”
We loved the employee’s advice! Managers who exhibit this stupid behavior just don’t want to know reality or don’t want to be confused by another point of view. The decisions they make, or don’t make, reflect actions taken without all readily available information. They compromise their ability to lead effectively because they’ve conditioned their team to only tell them what they want to hear. Stupid!
Stupid Behavior #11: I Don’t Trust You
Whether you believe that you can trust people, or cannot trust people, you are absolutely right! Employees who believe that their boss trusts them go out of their way to demonstrate their competence and exceed the boss’ expectations.
The reverse is also true. Managers that know that employees don’t have what it takes to be successful in their roles, don’t delegate additional responsibility. These managers are convinced that only they can do the task correctly. Because they don’t delegate, and then train and provide the employee with opportunities to practice the new skill, the employee never gains the skill. The manager is right, only s/he can do the task. The problem with this stupid behavior is that the message it sends to employees is, “You don’t have what it takes. I don’t trust you to do this job.”
These managers have a desperate need to be in control. If they aren’t in control, things won’t be done right. The challenge is, over time, when employees repeatedly feel that the boss doesn’t trust them and needs to be calling all the shots, they begin to lack trust in the manager. Trust evolves in a cycle. Managers who indirectly convey that they don’t trust employees create employees who don’t trust the manager. You’ve got to be trusting to be trusted.
Managers are typically smart people. So why do they exhibit these stupid behaviors? Because sometimes even great leaders slip. Once again, the difference between managers that occasionally slip and display a stupid behavior, and those that seem to take stupidity to a whole new level, is frequency. Even when given feedback, these managers don’t change their behaviors. They’re playing a losing game, but won’t change the way they play their game.
Great managers, even though they sometimes slip and do or say something stupid, have the capacity to learn from their mistakes and change the way they interact with their team members. They apologize, if needed, take stock of what they learned, and move on, vowing not to repeat the stupid behavior in the future.
If you liked reading this, you’ll want to look for our blog entry, Twelve Step Recovery from Stupid Behaviors coming soon.
You may also like:
- Eleven Stupid Things Managers Do to Mess up Workplace Excellence (Intro)
- Stupid Behaviors #8 & #9: “I Want to Be Your Friend” and Poor Judgment
- Stupid Behaviors #6 & #7: Failure to Communicate and Talk First, Listen Later
Filed Under: Leadership, Peter's Blog on November 4th, 2009
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