Why Managers Resist Coaching

Some leaders, when presented with the opportunity to work with an executive coaching expert, recognize the value this resource contributes to their leadership skills and career. Others, however, are decidedly less thrilled at the prospect.

A CEO asked us to coach one of his leaders. We were informed that if this leader doesn’t improve their leadership skills and their ability to build strong relationships with a diverse group of people, he will continue to undermine his chances of ever being promoted in this organization. The CEO went on to add, “Worse, if there are many more missteps, I am going to be forced to let him go.”

This CEO met with his manager and asked him to give us a call. Unfortunately, this manager fell into the second category of managers with no interest in coaching. I was a little taken aback when he bluntly informed me, “The only reason I am working with you is because the CEO told me to, and I have to.”

After 25 years of executive coaching, I know this much; unless I can change this leader’s perspective to see the benefits of having a coach, this project is doomed for failure. And, there’s a very good chance that if this manager doesn’t change his behaviors, with or without a coach, he will lose his job.

Why do some managers resist change and executive coaching? In my experience, the following are some of the most common reasons.

Arrogance: They feel they are smarter and better than others in the organization, especially their boss.

Lack of care: They don’t care what others think of their leadership style. They are there to produce an outcome, and it is not uncommon for this type of manager to excel at producing results.

Lack of confidence: They are afraid to admit that they may not have all the skills to be successful and promotable in their position. To admit that they need a coach is admitting that they are not perfect.

Lack of trust: They do not trust their boss’ intentions for recommending a coach. Instead of being grateful for the help and making a commitment to significantly improve, they assume that this is their boss’ first move on the chessboard, with the checkmate resulting in being fired.

Interestingly enough, these same managers who are not open to coaching are also those who resist helping and mentoring others. Both their own improvement, and that of others, seems to stop with them.

Here are 6 tips that will help raise the chances for success when working with a manager who does not want to be coached.

Understand the resistance: In this specific example, it appeared that the manager felt he was as good as, or better than, other leaders in the organization, and didn’t need the help of a coach. In some situations, the individual being coached truly believes that the problem is their boss, not them. However, it turns out this manager was resisting because he felt that if others in the organization knew he was being coached, they would think he was either in trouble or not capable of doing his job. When you try to understand why a manager may be resisting change, you have the opportunity to walk in their shoes, show empathy, and build an even stronger relationship.

Demonstrate and build trust: Acknowledging the manager’s strengths and encouraging them to build on those strengths helps to build trust and assure the manager of your positive intentions. Though this should be a given, I’ll mention it anyway – keep any and all confidential information, confidential.

Set clear goals: It is important for the boss, the manager being coached, as well as the executive coach to be very clear on what the goals are for the coaching project. It is not uncommon for a manager to tell us, “I am not exactly sure why my boss wants me to work with you.” Clear goals help increase the chances of success for all parties involved.

Encourage the boss to be direct, timely and honest with their feedback: Many bosses hire an executive coaching expert to give the manager tough feedback that they are hesitant to give, usually for the sake of harmony and avoiding conflict. If the manager being coached feels there is no positive consequence for changing their behavior, they are less motivated to change.

For really difficult or disruptive managers, if they feel there are no negative consequences for not changing their behavior, it’s almost impossible to get them to change. They only see a need to change when their boss tells them, “We are investing in an executive coach because we believe in you and you bring tremendous value to this organization. But, if you do not significantly change how you treat and lead people, you will not work here. I want to ensure my message is clear; do you have any questions?”

Recognize success: In the coaching process, there are usually two steps forward and an occasional step backwards. Stay focused on the positive and recognize success. Most often the manager being coached knows they could have handled something better and has actions in mind to ensure the misstep does not happen again.

Let go: If the manager continues to resist the coaching and is unwilling implement discussed actions or take ownership for their successes and challenges, you need to let go and invest your energy in peopIf the manager continues to resist change and is unwilling implement discussed actions or take ownership for their successes and challenges, you need to let go and invest your energy in people who see the benefits of a coach, and have the desire to work with one. If you are a manager and this is your employee, letting go may mean that you need to share this employee with your biggest competitor. If will free up your time to invest in strategic opportunities, rather than trying to coach someone who has no desire to listen to, and act on, the feedback and development opportunities that have been provided to them.