The Problem with Using ‘Either-Or’ Language

We rarely consider how powerful the simplest of words can be. But the words we choose to navigate challenges in the workplace can substantially impact our successes.

A manager I’m coaching recently told me, “I can achieve the results they’re paying me to achieve, or I can be nice to people and make everyone happy.” Another manager I worked with had a different version of the problem. She told me, “We can either live by the family values that have guided us for twenty years, or we can meet the CEO’s goal of doubling our size.”

There’s a problem with “either-or” thinking. When you frame a problem in this manner, you have to pick one of two options. There’s a winner, and there’s a loser. And someone will not be happy with the outcome.

But, there’s a third option. Instead of using an “either-or” strategy, try achieving both. This can be done by simply inserting the word “and.” You need to achieve results, and you need to be a leader who treats people with respect. In the second example, you need to be able to double the size of the business and achieve the growth while living the family values that have guided the company’s success.

Organizations face a variety of potential ‘either–or’ wars:

• We’re either going to move forward with an online strategy or deteriorate by adding more bricks and mortar
• The CEO is going to support my decision to reorganize or my department will not be successful
• Are we going to continue to focus on profits or are we going to start caring about the environment?
• We are either going to fire him or he will continue to destroy the morale of the team
• I can either skip my break and get the work done or I can abide by the company break mandates, but miss your deadlines

Even my daughter said to me last night, “I can go to bed on time or I can finish my homework.”

This list could go on and on, but you get the point. Either-or scenarios are problematic and counter-productive. In fact, difficult employees are masters at utilizing the “either-or” strategy to avoid accountability and not do what they are supposed to do.

Here are three suggestions to help you and your team avoid treading in the “either-or” quicksand.

First, every time you find yourself thinking “either-or”, recognize that creating a win-win outcome requires you to start using the word “and.” For instance, times have made it necessary for almost all banks and credit unions to move forward with both an online strategy and a bricks and mortar strategy. An either-or strategy divides people into tribes or camps. A strategy that discusses two points of view and connects them with “and” brings people together, and doubles the number of people committed to finding an innovative and successful solution.

Second, when others give you an “either-or” option, ask them this question: “Is it possible that to be successful, we will have to achieve both these options?” Almost always, this question will guide your counterpart’s thinking in a more constructive direction.

Third, if the either-or scenario is used by a difficult employee (or in my case, a challenging teenager) to circumvent accountability, firmly remind them of expectations. Say something along the lines of, “I need someone in your position who is able to run a profitable team with high employee morale.” If the employee continues to debate that this isn’t possible, you can ask an even tougher question. “If I need someone in your position who is able to run a profitable team with high employee morale, and you are telling me it’s impossible, are you also telling me that you are not fully qualified for this position?” Most difficult people will realize where this train of thought could ultimately lead, and will tell you that they are fully qualified and will start coming with additional options.

A leader who accepts 100 percent accountability and responsibility doesn’t fall into the “either or trap.” They realize that almost all ‘either-or’ situations can remedied by positive, productive language and mindsets.  No leader is perfect, but getting into the habit of replacing “either-or” with “and” will prepare you and your team to tackle inevitable challenges and keep the team and organization moving forward.